Retirement is Scary!

No doubt about it, retirement is scary, intimidating, daunting, chose your word.  But the reason it’s scary is not because you might have to live on less income or give up the prestige you felt during a career –it’s because there’s so much change and unknown. During my paid career, one of the most important things I learned about chang, is that change is hard because we are afraid of what we’re going to lose.

When we’re facing change we’re leaving the comfortable and the known for something that is unpredictable, where we might not have all the skills and resources to navigate the new seas, where the chart is unclear and we may not even know where next to go.  Even scarier we’re giving up what we know for what is only defined by a bunch of question marks. We have to answer the questions ourselves. For me that has translated into letting go.

If I use to define myself as “the boss,” the head of the department – I have to let that go.  That’s who I used to be.  So who am I now? I’m getting back to my roots as a writer.  First with this blog, then when I have the courage I’m going to write fiction again.  I once wrote a very bad novel.  But I'm willing to try again.

So, I lost the prestige of feeling like I’m the one in charge – in charge of a dozen or more employees, a few million dollar budget and the overall direction for the brand of a global company. In losing something, my focus has turned to what I’m gaining. Freedom and greater control over my life.  Instead of constantly responding to the needs of others – the executive team, my staff, the company, outside partners, the press, etc. I now control my direction and where I spend my time.  That’s a bit frightening.  What if I don’t choose well? What if this next stage of my life is a failure? Maybe I should go back to working full time?

I can’t – really don’t want to.  So I’m faced, as many retirees are – with redefining myself. In order to do that, I first have to lose the old self and some of the old ways.  Some habits, traits and skills that made me successful I will hang on to.  Things like perseverance, and thoughtful planning, and just plain hard work. The things to let go of? Fitting into the “corporate way” – hooray I can be more of me! During my first few months of retirement I consciously avoided tracking news of the company or trying to stay too close to my former colleagues.  Those I was close to and considered true friends I made the effort to meet for lunch or happy hour, but I didn’t rush to connect with people on LinkedIn nor did I take anyone up on the offer of help to build a consulting business.  I consciously created space between me and my old life.  I moved most of my suits and “work clothes” to a closet in the guest room and replaced them with clothing more fun, fashionable and comfortable and less corporate.  These things helped me to mentally provide stepping stones to the next stage of my life.  Now I'm working on redefining myself so that I can adjust my sails for a new course.

I've always loved crafts though I wouldn't say I have a lot of art skills. I just love brilliant colors of paint and ink, beautiful scrapbook paper patterns and creative stamps and die. So I play. I like to play a lot. My daughter, who is a gifted and talented artist, tells me I should just PLAY with my art materials and have fun. The skills will come. We'll see . . .